Grandma Gasping

I try to tell you of my
good grandmother gasping like a
fish
terrified of death, wishing she was
dead, dead without the
lead-up, dead without the
dread.
Clare, there,
gasping like a
whale, wailing
like a whimpering baby, failed
by life, by chance, by
justice, failed
by her body, left
up to us, betrayed and jailed
by her body, left
for dead by health and hope and
just there, my
Clare, gasping
gasp, gasp, gasp, gasp, gasping for

air.

And I try to tell you and I upset you and you tell me to

STOP

and I’m shocked and embarrassed and sorry and angry and I don’t know who is in the wrong.